Before you ring
What actually happens in a first session
The not-knowing puts more people off than the cost does. So here it is, plainly.
Before you arrive
You will have had the free 15-minute call, so we are not starting cold. You do not need to prepare anything, write anything down, or work out what to say. Turning up is the whole task.
Getting in
The room is at Unit 3, The Chaplin, 6 Wrotham Road, Borough Green, Sevenoaks. There is free parking on site. There is no shared waiting room — you come in at your appointment time and you are not sitting in a corridor being looked at. If you would rather not park outside, Borough Green & Wrotham station is a short walk away.
The first ten minutes
Practical housekeeping, briefly: how long we have, what confidentiality means and where its limits are, how payment works, what happens if you need to cancel. Boring, but it means you know where you stand.
The rest of the hour
Then I ask you what is going on. You tell it however it comes out — it does not need to be in order and it does not need to be the whole thing. Over the fifty minutes we will usually get to four things:
- What the pattern actually is. Not the label. The specifics — what day, what time, what happens just before, what happens after.
- What it does for you. Every habit this expensive is solving something. Numbing, escaping, celebrating, sleeping, feeling something at all. Naming it is not the same as excusing it.
- What it is costing. Money, health, sleep, a relationship, your own opinion of yourself.
- What you would want instead. Usually the hardest question, and the one that ends up doing the most work.
What you do not have to do
- You do not have to cry. Plenty of people do not.
- You do not have to talk about your childhood if it is not relevant.
- You do not have to commit to stopping anything by the end of the hour.
- You do not have to have a diagnosis, or a tidy story, or an explanation.
- You do not have to tell me the worst thing on day one. It will keep.
What you leave with
Something to try before the next session. Usually small and specific — a way of noticing an urge without arguing with it, a record of when the pattern fires, one concrete step in a direction you said mattered. Not homework for its own sake. Something to test.
If it is not right, say so. The fit between therapist and client predicts the outcome more reliably than the model does. If after one or two sessions this is not working for you, tell me and I will help you find someone who suits you better. That is a normal, professional conversation, not a failure.
Common questions
What if I go blank and cannot think of anything to say?
That happens often and it is fine. I will ask questions. Silence is not a problem in this room — sometimes it is where the useful thing surfaces.
Can I come just once, to see?
Yes. There is nothing to sign and no minimum. Come once and decide afterwards.
Will you tell me to stop drinking?
I will not issue instructions. I will ask what you want and be straight with you about what I think is realistic. What you do is your decision — that is not a technicality, it is how the work functions.
Do you take notes?
Brief ones, kept securely and separately from your contact details, as my professional body and data protection law require. You can ask to see them.
Talk it through first
The first step is a short phone call. No commitment, no pressure — just a conversation about what is going on and whether I am the right person to help.
Free 15-minute call · Confidential · Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, 9am to 5pm